Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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