He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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