I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
