over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
