Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
