the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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