I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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