why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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