She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
