remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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