Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
