You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
