and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
