I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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