I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
