I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
