from now on my penis is your penis
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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