I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
