I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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