Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
