doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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