I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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