she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So here I am, sexting at work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
