I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
