Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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