If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
