you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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