i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
