he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
