think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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