I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
