Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
