my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
