I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
