Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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