there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
