Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
