im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
