anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Holy sore nipples Batman
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
