If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
