I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
where am i from again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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