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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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