So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
