He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize