Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
