It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
