It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
