It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
