I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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