U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
