Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
