proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my being single is dangerous.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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