Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
