i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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