And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cannot find my penis.
i was born a porn star she said
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize