Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
