everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
