turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
