We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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