I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
