So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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