he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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