I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
BRING THE BAGELS
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
