Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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