I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drake has all the answers
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
