I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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