Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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