Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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