somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A+ Viking dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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