Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
