I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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